Who’s the hero?

Casey Heynes Story   Recently this story has gone viral.  Two young men from Australia Casey Heynes
and Ritchard Gale, had a conflict that was resolved in an aggressive confrontation.  The facts are still unclear leading up to the incident but the action that Casey took without a doubt was potentially a very dangerous reaction to what he alleges was in response to blatant and constant bullying by his peer.

 
 

After Ritchard took a couple of pokes at Casey,  who outweighs him by at least fifty pounds,  Casey decided to react to this provocation by picking Ritchard up and body slamming  him onto the pavement and walking away.  Ritchard is seen getting up obviously shaken  by the contact with the sidewalk and the curbing.  He limps off camera and we as viewers come to our own conclusions as to the extent of his injuries.

 
 

I feel a great deal of empathy for Casey.  I understand how consistently and unrelentingly being picked on could generate sufficient anger to body slam someone.  He struck back at his oppressor at risk of permanently hurting or even fatally wounding his attacker.  Public sentiment over Facebook drew the attention of over 172,000 hits within a couple of day of the incident and seemed to support and portray Casey as a hero.

  
 

This writer though empathetic doesn't consider Casey's violent outburst as anything but an uncontrolled reaction that could have had a deadly impact.  I am disappointed at the encouragement Casey received from the public.  What are we teaching our children?  That it is okay to strike back?  That we can take justice into our own hands as vigilantes and retaliate against the aggressor?  It is against the law and at a stretch could possibly be considered self-defense.  The law encourages us to walk away before taking action.  It is when we have no other choice that we can take aggressive steps to protect ourselves balanced with a degree of restraint.  We wonder why we have  issues with violence in our society when we are willing to support such deplorable actions.

 
 

I have compassion for those who think his action was heroic.  As a society we constantly feel like we take pokes from our oppressors who could take form as bosses, spouses, having to do things we don't want to do and even paying taxes.  We think we are underdogs and when we see someone stand up to the oppressor we applaud their actions as we live vicariously through their deeds. Catch my newsletter Cup of Joe for articles and scheduled events.

Part IV – Y.U.B.B.I.E. for adults – Be Aware

Normally during the course of a presentation I talk to students about being aware of a couple of facts if they are bullies. I explain to them that when everyone in the audience was born there were no bullies in the crib – none, zero, zip, nada, nema. So we know that something happened between the time they are born and the time that they arrived for their first day in school that causes them to act that way. Of course there are exceptions; we must also account for those who were born with physiological or psychological issues which research tells us are more the exception than the rule.

Bullying can be a learned behavior resulting from a dysfunctional home environment. Bullying can also be attributed to a child's desire for control over their environment, creating a false sense of confidence by testing their power over others. So there are a number of reasons why a child become a bully and most are the result of what happens in their home.

I try to convince students that they have to feel compassion towards the bully – like any of us they are just human being with their strengths and their weaknesses. I speak too of the fact that bullying is a weakness and an issue that has to be addressed and resolved early in life. Encouraging students to report incidents of bullying can be justified as an attempt to get the bully the necessary help to adjust their behavior while they are young.

We as a society constantly pay the price for not correcting behavioral issues when children are young. We financially support correctional facilities that house those who are the byproducts of unhealthy childhoods. We pay for it in the workplace by absenteeism, productivity and employee turnover when bullies appear as peers, supervisors and bosses who have little sensitivity towards others with demanding and unacceptable behavioral issues. We hear of countless cases of domestic violence that are not limited to spouses but extend to the elderly and other types of relationships. Bullying is a part of our culture. The desire to control - have power over others can the foundation for unacceptable aggressive behavior.

So being aware
starts at home. Parents have to be aware that many times aggressive behavior in a child is a result of what they are exposed to in the home. These are a couple of reasons of what can happen in a home that produces unacceptable behavior in a child:

1. Permissive aggressiveness in the home (when parents have aggressive exchanges or arguments or let their children indulge in aggressive exchanges with siblings.)
   
2. Inappropriate discipline – spanking especially when angered; beating a child.
   
3. Unhealthy relationship with the primary care giver – when the caregiver doesn't pay any attention to the child or as mentioned above when it is inappropriate.
   

 

Permissive aggressiveness in the home: Children from the time they lay in the crib are like sponges; they absorb everything they see, hear and feel. Parents are their children's first teachers - that is why parental role-modeling is so important to the healthy nurturing of a child. How parents handle conflict is the first education a child receives on resolving problems. In a house where there is yelling, screaming or even hitting between parents, siblings or between parent and siblings - a child is taught that it is normal to react in an aggressive manner when they are angry or trying to resolve conflict. In a house where there is constant arguing a child believes that it is an acceptable way to resolve disagreements. What they are taught they will emulate.

 

Educators and administrators are not surprised why a student has behavioral issues once they meet "the parents" and discover the real root of the problem. Parents who are aggressive and confrontational in their office demonstrate the type of role-modeling that explains why their children are antagonistic and belligerent.On the subject of spanking: Children's doctors and psychologists in this country have studied the subject of physical punishment or spanking. They have looked at families who don't use it at all. They found the following negative side-effects of using spanking:

 

• In the long run, spanking doesn't really work. Spanking may stop bad behavior when it is happening, but it doesn't prevent bad behavior when the parent isn't around. Using time-outs and consequences are better choices for helping children to control their behavior.
  
• Spanking hurts self-esteem. Children who are spanked a lot often start thinking that something must be wrong or "bad" about them. They also begin to think that their parents do not like them very much. These kinds of thoughts damage self-esteem.
  
• Imitation: Children who are spanked a lot may learn that when you are angry, it's okay to hit someone. This is especially true if parents spank when they are angry. Children may learn to vent their anger by hitting other children or pets, or by bullying others with threats.
  
• Fear: Children become afraid of people who use physical punishment, especially when the punishment is harsh or frequent. Parents who spank a lot may notice that their children are nervous and fearful around them. Children who are spanked a lot may be less likely to come to parents for help with their problems. Because they are afraid or they become withdrawn.
  

As a result, in a recent report, they strongly recommended that parents learn to use positive discipline techniques instead of spanking.

 

Unhealthy relationship with the primary caregiver: Parents who are loving and spend time with their children develop a deep and long lasting relationship. A child who is neglected or ostracized from a parent's bond will most likely develop issues early on in life. Parents also teach empathy and when a child is denied guidance or is not nurtured to learn empathy in their youth they can demonstrate sociopathic tendencies and become bullies. The human exchange of positive loving emotions and empathy gives a child the tools to care and understand the emotional reactions of others they meet. When there is no bond between a parent and child the result is normally a lack of caring for the emotions of others.

 

Children who have issues with impulse control, managing anger, lack empathy and have a challenge dealing with conflict need outside help. If these issues are not resolved early in childhood parents risk the chance that their child ends up being a bully as an adult where they may have difficulties dealing with authority, relationships and have a tendency to be drawn into substance.

Yubbie for adults: The second letter U - Unite as a community.

How do we encourage children to develop a sense of community in their schools? Joe the Biker promotes the idea of creating a community in schools where it is the responsibility of each member to respect and protect all its members.

Administrators and teachers who believe this sense of community is essential to minimizing the bullying incident rate in their schools try to encourage children to respect and help one another. By using various methods including mantras during morning announcements schools through repetition of affirmations and positive role-modeling can achieve results. This approach develops new "video tapes" that the students observes during the school hours and are reinforced daily. But what happens when a student leaves school at the end of the day? They go home and are exposed to maybe a different "video tape" sometimes contrary to those they hear and see at school.

Parents must be aware that their role-modeling plays an important part of developing a sense of community in the child's personality prior to their first day in the school system. Children emulate their parents and other adults in their household. The way parents participate in communal activities, encourage respect towards people of all faiths, ethnic origins and beliefs play a critical part of how, at least initially, their children will accept others and be willing to include all those who are different. If parents are judgmental – children will be judgmental. If parents exclude because of differences – so will the children. If parents are racist and biased – their children will carry the poisonous seed in them.

How do parents help develop that sense in community in their children? Here are but a few ways:

• Open discussion on the subject of inclusiveness
  
• Be conscious of what they say about others, the news and use of social media around the children
  
• Get involved with schools and other community activities – draw your children into those activities.
  
• Intervening or help others when they are of need.
  
• Volunteering
  

 

Parents have to have open discussions on the subject of inclusiveness. Parents as recommended in the previous article need to take time with their children and have an open discussion of various subjects during a sit down supper or a nightly chat before they go to bed. Inclusiveness is an excellent topic. The goals are to probe, understand and discuss their children's opinion on the matter and taking advantage of the learning opportunity. It helps parents guide their children to a healthy perception or share another perspective for them to consider. Children are exposed to a variety of input during the day including peers, TV, video games, teachers and adults. Each brings information to them and they decide on how to react to the new data. Parents have to keep pace with their child's constantly changing world. They are in the process of forming opinions, perspective and values. It is critical for a parent to be involved with this process always making sure their children are directed towards a positive and healthy value system – a world where everyone is included regardless of race, ethnic background, religious belief, sexual preference or any other differentiating factor. It has to be a world where everyone has the right to be who they are, the right to think the way they think and the right to live without persecution.

Parents have to be conscious of what they say about others, the news and use of social media around their children. How many times do we hear a parents say – "where did that come from" when a child made a slanderous derogatory comment on something they see on TV. Or that a parent tells their spouse – "he sounds just like you". Why? Children are listening all the time.

Children hear and absorb the reactions and comments of adults in their household. A parent's opinion can become a child's new prejudice. It can activate a poison even if the comment is misunderstood. The child takes their new perception to school with them and with the first opportunity tries it out. Like swearing - how many parents are embarrassed when their child swears in public. Where did they get it? Very possibility home!

Parents should be very careful of what they say about people or how they react to events that take place in the news. Parents have to be aware little hears are always listening. How do we build a sense of community when we refer to Muslims as all being terrorists or how different sexual preferences are bad and those that practice it will meet the fiery gates of Hades? Consider the effect of those statements on developing a sense of community – they automatically create barriers. These barriers can inadvertently become walls that stop children from being open to the concept that everyone belongs no matter what their beliefs are.

Parents should always be conscious of their words and think twice about what they say in front of their children. They are molding a piece of clay; everything they do and say becomes the foundation of a child's perception and value system.

Get involved in school and other community activities – draw your children into those activities. Years ago without the inventions of TV, cars and other technology, people at night would gather at different social clubs or each others homes to converse, play cards, play pool or sit on the porch and simply talk with their neighbors – there was a great sense of community including fairs and other social gatherings. Children were raised not only by parents but by members of the society they lived in back in those days. Neighbors would correct unwanted behavior if they observed someone's child misbehaving. People got involved in helping nurture a child.

Today do you even know your neighbor's name? Have you introduced yourself to them? Do you know all the neighbors on your street by name? When we lived in Goshen there was a couple by the name of Neal and Judy. When we moved into our new house our nearest neighbors Neal and Judy came over one night with a basket of homemade goodies and a bottle of wine. They introduced themselves and Neal offered the use of any of his tools, chainsaws, and garden equipment to help me get started on my new thirteen acre piece of property. What really blew me away is that Neal said "Just go into my garage and take whatever you need." I had just moved from the city and was shocked at the offer. What a sense of welcome! They immediately made us feel like we belonged and were true to their word – always helping us with our needs. That is the sense of community that we need to bring back.

There are three circles of community surrounding a school. Schools are in and of themselves a community consisting of students, adults, teachers, administrators, support personnel. Each of the members is connected to communities outside the school population. Parents can become part of a school community when the get involved with their PTA and PTO and now the community circle of parents intersect with the school community by design. The PTA members have great strength and leverage. Principals have the highest respect for their opinions. When parents complain to me at presentations about their schools the first question I ask is "do you belong to the PTA?" If you want a voice join a group that has power – the PTA. You also demonstrate to your child that you are part of the building of a community by getting involved with their school. They will be more receptive to the concept of building a community within the school's walls when you become part of it.

The third circle that interacts with schools and parents are the towns or cities we live in, including the employers. They also need to be involved. The local government, law-enforcement and agencies throughout the area have to take an initiative to get involved with the schools and supporting parents. You can take an active part in making that happen. Together there is an abundance of resources. Schools should be equipped to educate, have finances to procure programs and give students every opportunity to develop. When everyone gets involved it increases this potential and for sure it boosts a sense of belonging and community. Take the opportunity wherever possible to engage your children in any community efforts, such as fund raising initiatives, etc. It accomplishes so much – bolstering an overall sense of community with your child, building upon your own relationship, and overall building of essential values from which that child can draw on as he or she develops.

Intervening or helping others when they are of need. To build a sense of community each member must be willing to be involved and stand up for each other. That is a very broad statement and encompasses a great deal of responsibility. People in the community must be willing to step in and be counted as members. They have to demonstrate by behavior those attributes we want children to display - such as intervening. How many people stop and ask an abandoned motorist if they need help, or become a good citizen as a witness to a crime or accident, or stand up for someone who needs help?

At a parents' presentation recently a couple asked a question. They were at a park walking and watched a young man knocked to the ground and kicked by several youths. They didn't know what to do. They were afraid if they said something that they might themselves become victims of violence. Their solution was to walk away and do nothing. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

I told them that one, if I had a cell phone I would have called 911, then I would have started to scream like a crazy man yelling to the teens to stop and letting them know that I had just called the police. If my car was available in the area I would have run to the car, got in, and laid on my horn. I would have done everything I could to get other peoples' attention hoping the perpetrators would panic and run knowing it would not be long before help arrived. That is what we all need to do – intervene when we observe a crime taking place. That demonstrates to others that we stand bonded together, each trying to protect the other. To learn, children need to be witness to our willingness to constructively interrupt what we consider an injustice – making us responsible citizens of a community. While this example is extreme, there are so many small opportunities each day for us to demonstrate this – redirecting a conversation that has become ugly for example and not letting gossip leave our lips.

Volunteering. Parental role modeling is a big factor in developing a child's desire to volunteer. Parents have to demonstrate the behavior before they can encourage children to help others. Teachers, administrators and support personnel have to also demonstrate a willingness to be active and support their communities by volunteering. This is the type of reinforcement children need to see. Do the kids get involved in helping out the community, taking care of elders, volunteering, involved with their religious group, etc. ? Adults have to guide them to these activities. One has to lead by example. Parents who volunteer – encourage children to help others in need. Parents' encouragement of their children to give of themselves allows children to better appreciate what they have and gives them a valuable life lesson – an understanding of the value of sharing with others.

How beautiful of a world we would live in if each person just performed one act of kindness each day – just one. Think of the possibilities if parents, teachers and administrators could encourage this behavior. Wow!!! What a powerful thought. You would be amazed at the changes we could all make in our society. It has to start at home. Parents are guides, molders of precious clay personalities.

Parents have to get involved so their children can emulate their behavior. There are so many organizations that need volunteers; it takes support and help of all kinds. Every parent should be active in some form of volunteering to assure a healthy positive future for our society. If I may add a shameless plug - this includes the Yubbie Foundation! People continuously praise my valuable work with children and I am humbled to accept their compliment. Joe the Biker needs help to spread his word and achieve his mission.

Something to think about: Schools receive the results of parental nurturing and then have to deal with the melting pot of behaviors. They try to help by providing healthy character building and positive role modeling so children can develop into healthy adults. Parents by realizing the importance of their role in their child's development significantly increase their ability to be happy and successful.

Y.U.B.B.I.E. for adults

Helping children deal with bullying starts way before a child even enters the school for their first day of class. Y.U.B.B.I.E. is an acronym used in schools by Joe the Biker to help students understand and cope with bullying. It can also represent how a child should be nurtured at home. Every component in Y.U.B.B.I.E. should be part of raising a child in a home that ultimately with give a child the necessary tools to effectively deal with bullying.

This is the beginning of a five series blog using Y.U.B.B.I.E. to help parents help their children. This month we will talk about the first letter Y.

Y – You need to stand up and tell an adult. How do we help a child do this? Parents have to develop a channel of communication with their children that allows for an open exchange to take place. This starts when they are very young and how a parent engages a child to communicate. It has to be nurtured in some children who just by temperament resist talking or sharing. A parent has to dedicate time to helping a child communicate. It means spending time, sharing feelings, sharing perspectives, explaining emotions and inquiring about their understandings. A parent has to connect with their child on many levels to achieve this exchange and be willing to place any topic on the table for discussion.

Parents who spend time with their children can detect subtle changes in moods and demeanor. Parents do this by:

• Sitting down for supper as a family to encourage this exchange.
  
• Spending time with their family engaged in activities that open up casual conversations. These are opportunities to discover without probing.
  
• Nurturing a child through emotional experiences by discussing their feelings and providing a healthy perspective.
  
• Creating an atmosphere where a child feels comfortable sharing their most intimate feelings.
  
• Talking about subjects that a child might face in their day to day activities and experiences.
  

 

When children feel comfortable communicating with their parents, even when it is a difficult topic, they usually tend to feel comfortable communicating to other adults – hence they can report an incident of bullying much easier.

Something to think about:

• Children who are severely punished may learn to lie, deceive or conceal in order to protect themselves, avoid punishment or to discuss their feelings openly. Fear is one of the reasons why children do not tell an adult. Parents have to learn positive forms of discipline which create an atmosphere conducive to a free and unlimited exchange of thoughts and emotions with their children.
  
• Parents who are successful in engaging verbal interactions with their children produce the ability to help their child emotionally through experiences like bullying. Bullying will never stop but how a child reacts to it and survives the experience has a lot to do with their ability to talk things out and that is where a parent's role comes into play.
  

 

A final thought.

Parents have to understand even if they have everything in place and they have done everything right there are no guarantees in life. A child's brain is not fully developed until the age of 22 years. They do not think like an adult, they do not solve problems like an adult and they do not perceive the world or time like an adult. That is simple reality and why tragedies happen and teen take greater risks. As a parent you can give your child the tools – they have to choose to use them and hopefully turn to their parents when they feel they can't cope with a situation.

 

Joe the Biker performances are made available by the Yubbie Movement (Foundation) which is supported by the generous contributions of private and corporate sponsors. Help me help one student today by going to www.yubbiefoundation.org and click on the donate page for details. You can also kept my month newsletter at Cup Of Joe

Back to school – here’s the news

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joe the Biker is hitting the road and will perform in over 200 schools throughout the United States thanks to the generosity of the Yubbie Foundation. You can view his schedule by going to Calendar of Events on our site.

 

Its new – Its cool! Visit my new site at joethebiker.com. Not only does it have a unique look it offers a variety of information and now, product.  Take a minute, take your time, check out this new web site of mine.  Writing all my new raps songs have left a rhyming in my timing.  Oops! I did it again.  Be cool! Check it out.

 

Join me in supporting the Carl Joseph Walker Foundation Anti-Bullying Back-to-School 5k Road Race/2K WALK on September 18^, 2010. It starts at 9 AM at the CYR Arena in Forest Park, Springfield, MA. Cash Prize awarded to 1^st place male and female.  Prizes for 1^st place in each division (under 19, 19-29, 30-39, 40-49, 50-59, 60-99). For more information you can visit their site at www.carljoseph11.org. Joe the Biker will be there and lending a helping hand for this important cause.

 

THE ANXIETY OF GOING BACK TO SCHOOL

The anticipation of going back to school can often times escalate into an emotional experience for a child. Parents that have developed a healthy channel of communication with their children can see the changes in the attitudes as the new school year starts. Here are some tips for parents to help their children deal with the going-back-to-school-blues:

• Take the time to discuss any changes in their behavior. A couple of weeks before the new year begins, a parent may be able to detect signs of withdrawal or anxiety. Use this as an opportunity to have a discussion with your child. It is imperative that parents nurture their children through these emotions and help them come to grips with the upcoming events in a positive manner.
  
• Get the feelings out in the open. Do not let a child ponder on negative reactions to the upcoming changes in their lives. Have empathy, and encourage an open discussion of those feelings. It will help a child cope with their emotions and can transform a situation into a positive reaction.
  
• Children mimic their parents. Parents also have to be aware of their emotions. Be careful not to communicate a sense of loss or too much happiness that your children are returning back to school. Your reactions may have an impact of your child's attitude toward school.
  
• Be a proactive parent. Put a positive spin on education and the benefits of returning back to school. Encourage the desire to achieve a good education, expand their interests and the social aspect of meeting new kids. Children are like clay and parents are the sculpturing artists. It is important to instill the advantages of obtaining an education that will allow a child to achieve their dreams.
  
• Have a specific homework time each day at home. Children need structure. Creating a time with no distractions in the house helps a child develop discipline. Parents can serve as a role model by participating in the homework period by sitting down and reading a magazine or book while the children study. Kids want to be like their parents, so walk-the-talk. Show them that learning to read is important.
  

 

One way to motivate your child and help nurture them through the academic year is letting them know you care and put education as a priority in their life. We had a rule in my house that was very effective in fostering over a hundred children and getting them excited about education. Rule #1: – There is a specific time everyday for one hour of homework in a common area, mainly the kitchen. The rule was until you do your homework, there's no Nintendo (back in those days), no radio, or TV. Clear and simple. My house - my rules. During that study period, they were not allowed radios or TV.

 

Of course we had those slick little characters that would come home and try to convince us that their teachers did not give out homework or they did it at school. Thinking they just escaped homework period, they would be ready to take off and play. Rule #2: If you don't have any homework, sit and read a book or magazine of your choice. That usually took them by surprise. We believed that education was paramount in getting good employment and providing for a family. Since we sat at the table with them, we were available to tutor if necessary.

 

If they didn't have homework for a couple of days, I would place a call to the assistant principal who was more than happy to check with their teachers. Wow! You cannot believe how many kids were shocked when we reported on our conversation with the AP. Those who tried to be slick were the ones who were not actually handing in any homework. Back to rule #1.

 

We also felt very strongly about grades and sports. A parent should place the focus on education that gives a child a chance for a productive future. We pushed to have C+ to Bs to be eligible for sports. It is amazing what a child will do when they are motivated. If they wanted to tackle down their opponent on the field they first had to learn how to tackle discipline and work their education into the formula. Remember research indicates an incidental percentage of students ever make the pros.

 

According to recent statistics provided by the National Federation of State High School Associations, more than 1 million boys play high school football; almost 500,000 play basketball; and about 400,000 participate in baseball. From high school to college, the number of participants drops drastically. Only about 11,000 athletes altogether participate in college football, basketball, and baseball.

Some athletes who do go on to play college sports and have successful collegiate careers can indeed look forward to playing in professional sports. However, only about 8 percent are ever drafted by professional teams, and only about 2 percent sign a professional contract. Even signing a contract doesn't mean that an athlete will make the team. So the number is incidental. Focusing on education will pay greater dividends.

 

Let’s Sit Down and Eat – together!

Let's Sit Down and Eat – together!

 

We live in a modern society where oftentimes both parents have to work to financially sustain a household. Many times parents run around transporting their children from game to game or activity to activity. Other times when the kids come home from school parents encourage them to go out and play as long as they do not stay out past their curfew. One item is missing from the table today. No pun intended - families are just not sitting down to dinner any more. Is there actually a benefit from having this culinary experience as a family?

 

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) over the past decade and a half of surveying thousands of American teens and their parents discovered that one of the most effective ways parents can keep their kids from using substances is by sitting down to dinner with them.

 

It is interesting to note that sitting down to dinner gives parents an opportunity to find out what is happening in their child's life. It is a matter of listening not only hearing. It is about a conversation around their lives. It should be done in an atmosphere where the TV is not running, cell phones are silenced and each member is in tune with the dialogue. It is a perfect time to share feelings, thoughts, observations and opinions. This kind of platform encourages children and young adults to disclose the nuances of their daily activity.

 

It is important to casually inquire about what is going on with their schools, friends, how they view others or events that are occurring in the news. It has to be natural and can't be forced. While you might find resistance and labeled as being nosey at first, hand in there because it's new; once you become consistent with the approach you will find the conversation to flow. It takes time to develop especially when your children are not used to it. You might have to explain your reason for initiating the conversation. Remember it is perfectly okay to tell your children that you love them and you care about what is happening in their lives.

 

One can get valuable feedback by opening the channels of communication and keeping a steady stream of information flowing. Parents are capable of detecting subtle changes in a child's demeanor, attitude, and personality. These are flags to inquire deeper into the matter maybe even in a more private setting. Kids that stop talking are communicating that something is possibly wrong. Parents have to take the time and listen.

 

Oftentimes a child will disclose events that are happening at school giving the parent a chance to be proactive. Parents have to contact the schools and get the details.

 

For ideas of topic to talk about go to the Yubbie Foundation's site for suggestions.

Phoebe Prince inFocus

Thanks everyone for tuning into WWLP Channel 22's the inFocus program Sunday between 2:00 – 4:00 PM. It was a great show and Joe the Biker was center stage. Channel 22 gave the Say NO To Bullying Today program some good exposure.

I also had an opportunity to talk to another panel guest who was an attorney. It appears that the Hampshire District Attorney's office will have its challenges to prove their case. The violation of civil rights has to do with stopping someone from getting an education due to the race. Being Irish is the foundation of their argument. It will be interesting to see where this one goes.

There were substantial discussions of the responsibility of the school. Allegations indicate the school knew at least three weeks prior to Phoebe's death and refused to take any steps to resolve the issue. The school administration now reports that they knew only a week before the incident and didn't have time to intervene. It was the general consensus of audience that if in fact the school administration knew of the bullying - it was incumbent upon them to take action and should be held accountable. The school administration was negligent in keeping Phoebe save during school hours.

Stay tune as the momentum builds. There is a school committee meeting scheduled for tomorrow night in South Hadley and I hear the community will demand for the resignation of certain administrators.

It is about time

I am happy to hear that DA Scheibel announced that she is charging six teenagers and three juvenile students in connection with the death of Phoebe Prince, the South Hadley teenager who took her life in response to constant harassment and bullying. The DA is sending a message that bullying will not be tolerated. Finally!

Students, parents and the community at large have to understand that words and actions do have a negative impact on the health of another causing psychological and in this case physical harm. People have to learn that they are responsible and accountable for what they do, especially if it causes damage to someone.

Schools also have to be responsible for protecting and safeguarding our children. It is their obligation to act upon all reports of bullying and proceed with a thorough investigation especially if it is witnessed by members of the school's staff and teachers. It is imperative for schools to create a sense of community at their facility where each member is protected and guaranteed the right to be safe.

We have to make sure that students, parents and school administrators are accountable for their actions and work together as a team to develop an atmosphere of inclusiveness and acceptance.

The Yubbie Foundation is dedicated to educating students, parents, teachers and administrators on the long term effects of bullying and how to create a sense of community at their schools.

Call Me Yubbie my new book release talks about the impact of bullying on a young man and the ways he tried to cope. He too thought of ending his life. My book is fiction but is in part based on true events that occurred in my life. Unlike Phoebe's story Call Me Yubbie has a positive outcome. I understand what Phoebe felt and feel vindicated that someone has finally decided to take action.

Release of Call Me Yubbie

January 2010 is the official release of Call Me Yubbie written by Joe Wojcik and published by Apex Performance Solutions, LLC. There will be a book signing on Saturday January 16, 2010 at the Westfield Athenaeum from 2:00 to 4:00 PM. Join Mayor Daniel M. Knapik, Dr. Joseph A. Dupelle of the Westfield School District and Frederic J. Fleron, Jr. Ph.D. from Westfield State College in the festivities.

Joe Wojcik is the author of Yubbie:The Fall and Rise of an Everyday Joe and the Say NO To Bullying Today program. He is also Executive Director of The Yubbie Foundation.

The Anxiety of Going Back To School

THE ANXIETY OF GOING BACK TO SCHOOL

The anticipation of going back to school can often times escalate into an emotional experience for a child. Parents that have developed a healthy channel of communication with their children can see the changes in the attitudes as the new school year starts. Here are some tips for parents to help their children deal with the going-back-to-school-blues:

• Take the time to discuss any changes in their behavior. A couple of weeks before the new year begins, a parent may be able to detect signs of withdrawal or anxiety. Use this as an opportunity to have a discussion with your child. It is imperative that parents nurture their children through these emotions and help them come to grips with the upcoming events in a positive manner.
  
• Get the feelings out in the open. Do not let a child ponder on negative reactions to the upcoming changes in their lives. Have empathy, and encouraging an open discussion of those feelings will help a child cope with their emotions. It can transform a situation into a positive reaction.
  
• Children mimic their parents. Parents also have to be aware of their emotions. Be careful not to communicate a sense of loss or too much happiness that your children are returning back to school. Your reactions may have an impact of your child's attitude toward school.
  
• Be a proactive parent. Put a positive spin on education and the benefits of returning back to school. Encourage the desire to achieve a good education, expand their interests and the social aspect of meeting new kids. Children are like clay and parents are the sculpturing artists. It is important to instill the advantages of obtaining an education that will allow a child to achieve their dreams.
  
• Have a specific homework time each day at home. Children need structure. Creating a time with no distractions in the house helps a child develop discipline. Parents can serve as an example by participating in the homework period by sitting down and reading a magazine or book while the children study. Kids want to be like their parents, so walk-the-talk. Show them that learning to read is important.
  

 

One way to motivate your child and help nurture them through the academic year is letting them know you care and put education as a priority in life. We had a rule in my house that was very effective in fostering over a hundred children and getting them excited about education. Rule #1: – There is a specific time everyday for one hour of homework in a common area, mainly the kitchen. The rule was until you do your homework, there's no Nintendo (back in those days), no radio, or TV. Clear and simple. My house, my rules. During that study period, they were not allowed radios or TV.

 

Of course we had those slick little characters that would come home and try to convince us that their teachers did not give out homework or they did it at school. Thinking they just escaped homework period, they would be ready to take off and play. Rule #2: If you don't have any homework, sit and read a book or magazine of your choice. That usually took them by surprise. We believed that education was paramount in getting good employment and providing for a family. One of us would sit with them during that period and read a book or magazine, leading by example. We also were available to tutor if necessary.

 

If they didn't have homework for a couple of days, I would place a call to the assistant principal who was more than happy to check with their teachers. Wow! You cannot believe how many kids were shocked when we reported on our conversation with the AP. Those who tried to be slick were the ones who were not actually handing in any homework. Back to rule #1.

 

We also felt very strongly about grades and sports. A parent should place the focus on education that gives a child a chance for a productive future. We pushed to have C+ to Bs to be eligible for sports. It is amazing what a child will do when they are motivated. If they wanted to tackle down their opponent on the field they first had to learn how to tackle discipline and work their education into the formula.

 

The results were sometimes amazing. One child, Gio, who at thirteen had never gotten higher than a D and failed most of his schooling, impressed all of us. With the right nurturing daily he was able to achieve high honors three semesters and honors on the fourth. No joke! The right structure coupled with positive reinforcement around education laid down the framework to encourage him to succeed. With continued support and motivation he realized he could achieve and was enthusiastic about his studies. Years later he came back for a visit to tell us that before us, everyone considered him stupid and that is what he thought he was – stupid. The right nurturing helped him do a 180, boosted his self-confidence and convinced him he could achieve anything he wanted. Remember your children are always watching, listening and absorbing your behavior. Emulate what you want them to be and help guide them through their school anxieties.