How do we encourage children to develop a sense of community in their schools? Joe the Biker promotes the idea of creating a community in schools where it is the responsibility of each member to respect and protect all its members.
Administrators and teachers who believe this sense of community is essential to minimizing the bullying incident rate in their schools try to encourage children to respect and help one another. By using various methods including mantras during morning announcements schools through repetition of affirmations and positive role-modeling can achieve results. This approach develops new "video tapes" that the students observes during the school hours and are reinforced daily. But what happens when a student leaves school at the end of the day? They go home and are exposed to maybe a different "video tape" sometimes contrary to those they hear and see at school.
Parents must be aware that their role-modeling plays an important part of developing a sense of community in the child's personality prior to their first day in the school system. Children emulate their parents and other adults in their household. The way parents participate in communal activities, encourage respect towards people of all faiths, ethnic origins and beliefs play a critical part of how, at least initially, their children will accept others and be willing to include all those who are different. If parents are judgmental – children will be judgmental. If parents exclude because of differences – so will the children. If parents are racist and biased – their children will carry the poisonous seed in them.
How do parents help develop that sense in community in their children? Here are but a few ways:
- Open discussion on the subject of inclusiveness
- Be conscious of what they say about others, the news and use of social media around the children
- Get involved with schools and other community activities – draw your children into those activities.
- Intervening or help others when they are of need.
- Volunteering
Parents have to have open discussions on the subject of inclusiveness. Parents as recommended in the previous article need to take time with their children and have an open discussion of various subjects during a sit down supper or a nightly chat before they go to bed. Inclusiveness is an excellent topic. The goals are to probe, understand and discuss their children's opinion on the matter and taking advantage of the learning opportunity. It helps parents guide their children to a healthy perception or share another perspective for them to consider. Children are exposed to a variety of input during the day including peers, TV, video games, teachers and adults. Each brings information to them and they decide on how to react to the new data. Parents have to keep pace with their child's constantly changing world. They are in the process of forming opinions, perspective and values. It is critical for a parent to be involved with this process always making sure their children are directed towards a positive and healthy value system – a world where everyone is included regardless of race, ethnic background, religious belief, sexual preference or any other differentiating factor. It has to be a world where everyone has the right to be who they are, the right to think the way they think and the right to live without persecution.
Parents have to be conscious of what they say about others, the news and use of social media around their children. How many times do we hear a parents say – "where did that come from" when a child made a slanderous derogatory comment on something they see on TV. Or that a parent tells their spouse – "he sounds just like you". Why? Children are listening all the time.
Children hear and absorb the reactions and comments of adults in their household. A parent's opinion can become a child's new prejudice. It can activate a poison even if the comment is misunderstood. The child takes their new perception to school with them and with the first opportunity tries it out. Like swearing - how many parents are embarrassed when their child swears in public. Where did they get it? Very possibility home!
Parents should be very careful of what they say about people or how they react to events that take place in the news. Parents have to be aware little hears are always listening. How do we build a sense of community when we refer to Muslims as all being terrorists or how different sexual preferences are bad and those that practice it will meet the fiery gates of Hades? Consider the effect of those statements on developing a sense of community – they automatically create barriers. These barriers can inadvertently become walls that stop children from being open to the concept that everyone belongs no matter what their beliefs are.
Parents should always be conscious of their words and think twice about what they say in front of their children. They are molding a piece of clay; everything they do and say becomes the foundation of a child's perception and value system.
Get involved in school and other community activities – draw your children into those activities. Years ago without the inventions of TV, cars and other technology, people at night would gather at different social clubs or each others homes to converse, play cards, play pool or sit on the porch and simply talk with their neighbors – there was a great sense of community including fairs and other social gatherings. Children were raised not only by parents but by members of the society they lived in back in those days. Neighbors would correct unwanted behavior if they observed someone's child misbehaving. People got involved in helping nurture a child.
Today do you even know your neighbor's name? Have you introduced yourself to them? Do you know all the neighbors on your street by name? When we lived in Goshen there was a couple by the name of Neal and Judy. When we moved into our new house our nearest neighbors Neal and Judy came over one night with a basket of homemade goodies and a bottle of wine. They introduced themselves and Neal offered the use of any of his tools, chainsaws, and garden equipment to help me get started on my new thirteen acre piece of property. What really blew me away is that Neal said "Just go into my garage and take whatever you need." I had just moved from the city and was shocked at the offer. What a sense of welcome! They immediately made us feel like we belonged and were true to their word – always helping us with our needs. That is the sense of community that we need to bring back.
There are three circles of community surrounding a school. Schools are in and of themselves a community consisting of students, adults, teachers, administrators, support personnel. Each of the members is connected to communities outside the school population. Parents can become part of a school community when the get involved with their PTA and PTO and now the community circle of parents intersect with the school community by design. The PTA members have great strength and leverage. Principals have the highest respect for their opinions. When parents complain to me at presentations about their schools the first question I ask is "do you belong to the PTA?" If you want a voice join a group that has power – the PTA. You also demonstrate to your child that you are part of the building of a community by getting involved with their school. They will be more receptive to the concept of building a community within the school's walls when you become part of it.
The third circle that interacts with schools and parents are the towns or cities we live in, including the employers. They also need to be involved. The local government, law-enforcement and agencies throughout the area have to take an initiative to get involved with the schools and supporting parents. You can take an active part in making that happen. Together there is an abundance of resources. Schools should be equipped to educate, have finances to procure programs and give students every opportunity to develop. When everyone gets involved it increases this potential and for sure it boosts a sense of belonging and community. Take the opportunity wherever possible to engage your children in any community efforts, such as fund raising initiatives, etc. It accomplishes so much – bolstering an overall sense of community with your child, building upon your own relationship, and overall building of essential values from which that child can draw on as he or she develops.
Intervening or helping others when they are of need. To build a sense of community each member must be willing to be involved and stand up for each other. That is a very broad statement and encompasses a great deal of responsibility. People in the community must be willing to step in and be counted as members. They have to demonstrate by behavior those attributes we want children to display - such as intervening. How many people stop and ask an abandoned motorist if they need help, or become a good citizen as a witness to a crime or accident, or stand up for someone who needs help?
At a parents' presentation recently a couple asked a question. They were at a park walking and watched a young man knocked to the ground and kicked by several youths. They didn't know what to do. They were afraid if they said something that they might themselves become victims of violence. Their solution was to walk away and do nothing. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
I told them that one, if I had a cell phone I would have called 911, then I would have started to scream like a crazy man yelling to the teens to stop and letting them know that I had just called the police. If my car was available in the area I would have run to the car, got in, and laid on my horn. I would have done everything I could to get other peoples' attention hoping the perpetrators would panic and run knowing it would not be long before help arrived. That is what we all need to do – intervene when we observe a crime taking place. That demonstrates to others that we stand bonded together, each trying to protect the other. To learn, children need to be witness to our willingness to constructively interrupt what we consider an injustice – making us responsible citizens of a community. While this example is extreme, there are so many small opportunities each day for us to demonstrate this – redirecting a conversation that has become ugly for example and not letting gossip leave our lips.
Volunteering. Parental role modeling is a big factor in developing a child's desire to volunteer. Parents have to demonstrate the behavior before they can encourage children to help others. Teachers, administrators and support personnel have to also demonstrate a willingness to be active and support their communities by volunteering. This is the type of reinforcement children need to see. Do the kids get involved in helping out the community, taking care of elders, volunteering, involved with their religious group, etc. ? Adults have to guide them to these activities. One has to lead by example. Parents who volunteer – encourage children to help others in need. Parents' encouragement of their children to give of themselves allows children to better appreciate what they have and gives them a valuable life lesson – an understanding of the value of sharing with others.
How beautiful of a world we would live in if each person just performed one act of kindness each day – just one. Think of the possibilities if parents, teachers and administrators could encourage this behavior. Wow!!! What a powerful thought. You would be amazed at the changes we could all make in our society. It has to start at home. Parents are guides, molders of precious clay personalities.
Parents have to get involved so their children can emulate their behavior. There are so many organizations that need volunteers; it takes support and help of all kinds. Every parent should be active in some form of volunteering to assure a healthy positive future for our society. If I may add a shameless plug - this includes the Yubbie Foundation! People continuously praise my valuable work with children and I am humbled to accept their compliment. Joe the Biker needs help to spread his word and achieve his mission.
Something to think about: Schools receive the results of parental nurturing and then have to deal with the melting pot of behaviors. They try to help by providing healthy character building and positive role modeling so children can develop into healthy adults. Parents by realizing the importance of their role in their child's development significantly increase their ability to be happy and successful.
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