Remember when we were kids and summer meant running out the front door in the morning, grabbing your bike, meeting up with your friends, and having an adventure each day. Or going to the community pool, the local Y, your favorite swimming hole, a secret fishing spot, or some other gathering place. There was tremendous freedom to that, and we look back at it nostalgically – often forgetting the incidences of bullying to which we were subjected or which we might have witnessed.
Summer is around the corner once again, and it is important to stay vigilant protecting your children. Kids are out and about during their vacation and one of the dangers they can fall prey to is bullying outside the school atmosphere. Here are a couple of signs that can alert you that your child is being targeted.
- Your child comes home with torn, dirty, or wet clothes, or loses things without being able to give a proper explanation of what has happened. It is understandable that during summer kids play ball, run around and are more involved in physical activities. There is a greater chance their clothing could show signs of damage and wear. What is important is your conversation and follow up. Accepting it once may be justifiable but repeat incidents should be a flag. Don’t just brush off their explanation. Pursue a dialogue in a loving manner and keep probing until you are satisfied.
- Your child has bruises, injuries, cuts, and scratches and cannot give a credible explanation for what caused them. Kids can get hurt playing. It is not unusual. Any injuries to the face or areas that might not be consistent with falling, sport injuries or activities that your child is involved with should be questioned and inquires should be made. If you feel at all uneasy with their explanation, create a further dialog. It’s about keeping the channels of communications open with your children that produces results. And it has to be done in a manner where probing does not shut the child down but encourages a positive verbal exchange.
- Your child becomes increasingly isolated, does not bring friends home, and rarely discusses or spends time with friends during the summer months. This should be a strong sign that something is happening in your child’s life. It is important to give them some freedom to chose what and how they spend their time, but isolation is a strong sign something is askew. Always remember to be gentle and persistent. Justify your reasons for probing - let them know that you are genuinely concerned and most importantly, that you are doing so out of love for them. Their safety is paramount and to ensure it, you have to promote a healthy atmosphere of discussion.
- Your child seems unhappy, downhearted, depressed, or has mood swings with sudden outbursts of irritation or anger.
- Your child often has little appetite, headaches, or stomach aches.
- Your child sleeps restlessly, with nightmares, and possibly cries in his/her sleep.
- Your child steals or asks for extra money from members of the family (to soften up bullies)
Be aware, be active and be persistent. Those are the attributes of a responsible parent. You create the atmosphere for communication by daily inquiries into your child’s activities, feelings, perceptions and opinions – and by really listening to their responses. To accomplish this you have to spend time together. This builds a two-way channel of communication. This gives you the ability to sense that something is not right in their behavior. This gives you the ability to become aware of subtle deviations in normal attitudes. Spending time together in activities, eating super together every night, and sitting down as a group to play a game – all these give you the ability to observe. Your observations will enlighten your understanding of your child’s world.
In the summer months and even during the school year verify your child’s activities. Make a call confirming that they are where they say they are supposed to be at any time. Children often react negatively to this approach, but it is essential to make them understand that it builds trust and satisfies your need to know they are safe because they are loved. Never apologize for being a good parent. Kids need to have structure and rules. They need to know that parents care enough to take the time to validate their activities.
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